Casting Couch: Justice League And Everything DC, Part One – By Gavin Muirhead

Posted: August 2, 2013 in Entertainment, Movies, News
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Assembling the comic book trinity and more.

JL

We all know Marvel is well ahead of DC when it comes to constructing a cinematic world. DC has an opportunity though, to match Marvel. Boasting just as much ammo, to throw at a universe, they can possibly usurp their comic brethren, and finally corner the market.

What makes a good Superhero movie these days? Sure, awesome graphics, 3D and explosions all make good fun, but don’t always mean the movie is going to be good – HULK movies, I’m looking at you.

No, what really makes a superhero movie, super, is casting and a great production team. DC has arguably one of the most solid creation and development teams for their fledgling cinematic world, they hold the likes of Christopher and Jonathan Nolan, David S. Goyer, and Zack Snyder in their back pocket, as well as comic-wiz and writer extraordinaire, Geoff Johns, and are not afraid to show the world what they can bring to the table (billions of box office dollars…)

The only thing left to do now, is give these guys something to do and people to work with. Luckily for DC, HefferBrew has made this entire process super easy and unlike Ryan Reynolds it won’t cost DC any money.

So, follow us, sit back and enjoy our pseudo “casting couch” for the future of the DC universe. Don’t worry, we’ll be gentle.

First things first, we need to tap the keg of characters in the DC universe. Since they are working towards a Justice League movie, let’s use this as our foundation and branch out where we feel like, and to avoid a civil war we are skipping the Batman Vs. Superman movie.

The Flash.

Oh yes, streaking to a theater near you, and aside from having the trouble of making the story and origin of The Flash work for the big screen, DC needs to find someone who can play him.

Actors who would fit: (in no particular order)

Cam Gigandet:

 - He has the build, he is young and has a cocky demeanor that might suit the character well. He is also not a name star and will fit the Henry Cavill theme of having a nobody become a hero.

Matt Damon:

 - He will do almost any role you throw at him, and he will do it well (except We Bought a Zoo, that movie was awful in every categorie). He can play the alter ego, Barry Allen and he won’t sound out of place when it comes time to put The Flash’s scientist background to use.

 Elijah Wood.

 - I know, but think about it, he is weird enough to make it work and loveable enough for people to come see him in the movie. And this isn’t the only place I see him fitting in either, but I will get to that later on.

Ryan Gosling.

 - With his current trend of movies that involve his fists, Ryan would be a great Flash and would also go right against Chris Evans (Captain America) in the blonde pretty boy death-match that our theaters have become.

Ok, that’s four solid choices for The Flash, now let’s dive into some more, uncharted waters.

DC is thinking about releasing The Justice League after only releasing three heroes in large scale form (Batman, Superman, and The Flash). This seems like a porous idea, seeing that the Trinity in DC, is in no way near the relevance of the big three for Marvel. People hate Superman, and Wonder Woman is about as forgettable as they come – even when she had a complete character reboot in 2010 (not sure, too lazy to look up) no one cared (see, by me not remembering, there’s further proof of not caring). The smart thing to do? They should save that 2017 release date for something else and move The Justice League to 2019.

With that in mind, my next casting call is for:

Martian Manhunter.

You just can’t have the JLA without J’onn J’onzz , and he is such a rich and Oreo dominating character, that he deserves to be cast properly.

Enter: Idris Elba.

 - Oh yes, fear not. Idris is making waves recently and has a powerful demeanor to most of his roles, but is also able to let loose and be a space redneck (Prometheus). Personally, I think he would make a good Manhunter and has to potential to do the character justice, and his alter ego J’onn J’onzz.

My backup option for Manhunter is slightly left-field, but it’d have to be Anthony Mackey.

 - He is starting to grow up and come into his own a little, and if DC chooses to introduce Manhunter in the JLA movie, and not a different feature, he could drop right in to a supporting role.

Moving right along. Am I the only person who wants a Shazam movie?

Editor’s note: Yeah, you are.

We need a Shazam movie. He’s almost a combo of Dick Grayson and Superman, and how can you go wrong with a kid being an actual superhero?

If you are unfamiliar with Shazam (Captain Marvel) the basis of his story is simple, a wizard named Shazam granted him superpowers (when he stumbled upon the wizards molestation lair) so he can be a protector of Earth, and when the kid yells, SHAZAM! He gets struck by lightning and transforms into a grown up super-hero badass… with the attitude of a 15-year-old kid. Like Spider-Man, but only good.

Editor’s note: We in no way endorse the statement that SHAZAM is better than Spider-Man. This is a ridiculous and bias statement. Never, in a million years, will SHAZAM be a better character than Spider-Man. SHAZAM is an awful character and in no way do we support a full movie dedicated to the turd.

The tricky part about casting SHAZAM. Do you cast a young guy and make him buff with a body suit? Or do you portray a grown-up SHAZAM later in the future as he has learned to control his powers?

I’ll take a stab at it either way:

Young SHAZAM:

Christopher Mintz Plasse.

 - McLovin’ for Shazam. He is the perfect runt of a guy to be gifted the powers of ultimate badassdum. He fits the Peter Parker aspect, and I think it would be a surprising shot to take.

Older SHAZAM:

Aaron Tyler-Johnson.

 - I know, he’s Kick Ass already, but he also fits the bill of a little guy turning super (And Kick-Ass is essentially an indie franchise, so it doesn’t count in the grand scheme of things). Lately he has bulked up for roles in Savages and Kick-Ass 2, and it looks like Kick Ass 3 will not be happening, so he should have some free time.

Max Thieriot.

 - It just fits. He has the wannabe Superman face, and why not.

But really, Tom Welling deserves this.

Most importantly here, is the fact that Black Adam needs to be in place, and the ONLY PERSON who can do this, is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. End Game. If Vin Diesel is playing Vision for Marvel, then DC gets The Rock.

Now if you’re still reading along, your probably saying great – the end!

Wrong. We still need to cast Wonder Woman. Which is pretty impossible.

Correction, Cameron has been thinking about this too hard and has three suggestions for Wonder Woman:

Olivia Wilde.

- Personally, I think she fits pretty well, although at 5’ 7” she is a little short. Hawkgirl might be the better option for her if I’m really honest with myself.

Christina Hendricks

- If she dyes her hair black, maybe. I don’t know.. I think we are garbage at this Wonder Woman thing.. And we’re just trying to fit Hendricks’ giant gifts in a tiny shirt. We’re sorry.

Anne Hathaway

- There is a slight chance she will return as Catwoman, in which case – Fantastic. However, if she doesn’t come back as Catwoman, we both think Anne would make a good Wonder Woman, both physically and by having the chops to actually act and make the part seem worthwhile.

I also enlisted the help of my girlfriend Natalie who had some other interesting options to add, after agreeing with two and three of what was suggested by Cameron.

Natalie Says:

Jennifer Connelly

 - Was the first thing to pop into her head, and it just works for some reason.

Eliza Dushku.

- I still think this is crazy, but Nat says she can fight and look good so OK.

Editor’s note: Maybe if it was 2005, but the Dush is done man. She was blacklisted or something. It was all very sad and had something to do with ‘Wrong Turn’.

Angelina Jolie.

- We both came to this conclusion, Angelina hasn’t been doing anything lately (aside from Brad Pitt, bada bing!), and after being Lara Croft we all know she can pull off a fight scene.

Charlize Theron.

- I agree with her here too, Charlize will chuck herself 100% into anything and delivery solidly. She isn’t small at 5’ 10”, and also is not afraid to take a punch. Add some black hair and a push up bra, and we have ourselves a Wonder Woman.

And, Jessica Biel.

- Against, our better judgment, the studios may choose to have her or someone like her play the part, and sadly it might be true.

Either way, it is important for Wonder Woman to be a bit of a beast, and not a dainty sex-thing, fans will revolt and if DC needs to side on one trait over the other, I hope they side with the Beast and not the Breast.

One thing we’re sure not to do in this entire article, is say that they already made a Green Lantern movie, because that is a lie and we all know it.

Furthermore, Ryan Reynolds will never be cast in any of our hypothetical movies, or probably any real movies after that shit-heap R.I.P.D. Ever.

So, for a totally not cheesy Green Lantern movie I can only think of two things:

Tom Welling.

- He’s already been Superman on TV, why not make him a Lantern too?

Or

Liam Hemsworth.

- The baby brother of Thor and that other guy, I think it would be hilarious and pretty smart for DC to snag a Hemsworth of its own.

Now, we move on to the proverbial elephant in the room, Aquaman……

Just mentioning that name makes most people laugh and say – “he’s the most unsuper – superhero ever,” and they would be wrong. Being able to control the sea and sea animals has it’s perks, and one thing has become ever so clear now. That Aquaman has the power to summon a Sharknado, and Sharknados don’t fuck around.

So who should play Aquaman? And importantly, who can do him justice?

For authenticity purposes, I am going to swing for the fences and say Ryan Lochte.

Editor’s note: Or Michael Phelps, who’s not a complete fucking idiot. Pardon my language, but Lochte is genuinely a fucking idiot, and the fact that he’s an Olympian is kind of a disgrace.

Realistic swimming scenes, the guy is already in good shape, and for some reason the essence of  Aquaman is being a bit of a tool, so he’s perfect.

Also worth mentioning, Green Arrow, who will probably be played by the current actor Stephen Amell.

I’ve never watched “Arrow”, and for that matter the CW, but It keeps getting renewed so they must be doing something right.

There are other options to be had when it comes to Arrow – unfortunately Carey Elwes is just a little too old to play the part – but while we’re here we might as well take a shot at other options.

Justin Theroux.

- He’s got a cocky air to him that could be essential to an Oliver Queen character type. His arrogant commune dwelling hippie in Wonderlust, sans a beard and more the typical facial hair that Arrow dons, could be the perfect architect to Green Arrow.

Vincent Kartheiser.

- Yeah, he got a bad rap for In Time, but the kid is great as a petulant man child in Mad Men as Pete Campbell, if he can grow facial hair is unknown to me, but he has an arrogant aura to him that, again, fits the Oliver Queen Mantra.

So, that wraps up part one of our casting couch for the DC Universe. Check back with us for part twp, where we’ll cast the Villains of the DC Universe. Cause, of course the Justice League has to have something to fight.

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