Cameron, a Red Sox fan, takes a second, to say goodbye to David Ortiz. After a messy arbitration session with the front office and being the only formidable hitter on an otherwise, at times, offensively impotent and completely incompetent team. Things have become very clear that ‘Big Papi’ may have seen his last year in Boston.

Farewell to thee, My prince of the long ball. It has been a nice ride though, watching you, in your robust man ways, blast homers to all spectra of the field. I know we aren’t supposed to think that the man who almost single handedly won Boston it’s first World Series in 86 years wouldn’t just jump ship and find a new place to call home. But it becomes just a little more evident that this could be the case. It seems since the stunning upset of last year, the departure of Theo Epstein, the contract dispute, and the thrill of being on a team that is stuck in some screwed up baseball-purgatory of .500-ball that you have lost your smile ‘Big Papi’ that a organization that some seemed to think you had been apart of since the beginning of your career, even though you started in Minnesota, was starting to finally takes it toll.

In the the off-season you asked for a 2-year/$12.5 million contract, the big-wigs upstairs said no, after a .309/.398/.554 season with 29-homers and 96-RBIs at the age of 35, this didn’t seem to ridiculous, two more years of the greatest DH to play the game shouldn’t be a problem. But they saw it differently and decided to go to arbitration with you. In arbitration you came out with more money at $14.575 million  for one year but you didn’t see that second year and you felt “Humiliated.” Bummer. This year at the half way point in the season your putting up monstrous numbers in the DH spot with a .312/.406/.607 splits adding 62-runs, 22-homers, 25-doubles, and 57-RBIs in 85 games. Any smart fan knows why you’re playing out of your mind right now Mr. Ortiz. Someone is looking for a big fat payday from some lucky team next season.

As Roger Clemens did before you, you’re going to put up stellar numbers, look almost infallible at times at the plate, you may hit 35-40 homers this year, and then it’s on to the next one. As much as I don’t want to see you go ‘Papi’ I know you aren’t going to stay; one of the worst ideas that comes to mind is that you go to the Yankees and become a whole new player and whollop the final 100-homers you need to get to the 500-club in the unholy ground that in New-Yankee Stadium, or even that you could go to another up-and-coming team that could use a power-hitting DH, someone like the Rangers, A’s and Rays are teams that come to mind. Who knows, maybe you can muster up some old first baseman skills and go to a National League team, but at your weight this is a stretch.

You jettisoned to popularity in Boston, along with Manny Ramirez, because of you home run power and your love of the game. Your big smile night in and nigh out, in your first year with the team you came close to success, until Aaron “F%$*#&” Boone went yard and shit all over Sox fans. The next year was the year a supposed curse was reversed. After 86-years of championship futility on a dark night in October you refused to lose and sparked the greatest comeback in sports history. Down 3-0 heading  into the fourth game of the ALCS, the dreaded Yankees looked to sweep the Red Sox and keep the streak alive. Ortiz, in the bottom of the 12th, of game-four, blasted a walk off game-sealing home run. The Yankees spirits were shattered and so started a sad streak of no World Series for the Yankees for five years. You started this Ortiz, you where the man who made the Yankees your bitch, almost every time and now were staring down the barrel of you possibly going there or anywhere else you don’t belong.

I’m sure when you leave next year, you’ll get whatever contract you want, and I know no matter how outstanding a season you have this year; like the possibility of you being an AL MVP candidate, the only All-Star representing Boston and the only Sox player that will hit more than 30 home runs. The Red Sox organization probably won’t re-sign you; the opposing factors are that you’ll be 37-years-old, but hey if guys like Jim Thome, Chipper Jones and Jamie Moyer can pull out season at ages 41, 40 and 49 respectively I think ‘Big Papi’ can muster up a few more seasons of long balls and DH-ing genius. It is going to be sad to see you leave but in the words of Douglas Adams, “So long, and thanks for all the fish.”

Cameron Heffernan is a life-long Red Sox fan and hopes they can re-sign Big Papi, he also realizes that the Red Sox organization is a load of assholes sometimes and probably will let one of their greatest players go, to have more success elsewhere. Here’s to another 86 years of possible futility.