Saturday Afternoon Wrestling – By Cameron Heffernan

This week we take a look at the 1990 WCW Pay-Per-View “Capital Combat” and a very special rescue mission for Robocop. You know, half-man, half-robot, but all law enforcement. Anyways, in the words of Super Mario, “Here we go!”

0:00-0:19 – Jim Ross is frantically trying to transfer over to Gordon Solie to show the entrance of Robocop and Sting. Ross is like one excited anecdote away from a heart-attack, like, all the time.

Side Note: Sting wasn’t scheduled for a match in this PPV. This is just purely promotional crap for “Robocop 2,” the Robocop no one wanted, but still got. Just like “Robocop 2.” Why is “Robocop” the only awesome one?

0:20-0:30 – Robocop is so powerful that no camera equipment, nor electronic equipment for that matter can withstand his awesomeness.

0:30-0:40 – Thank you Jim Ross, for apologizing for your shitty cameras at WCW, then again, no electronic device can handle Sting or Robocop. Jim Ross always a class act. Speaking of Sting.

1:00 – 

Check that dude up there. First, the announcer refers to him as “The Closer,” and then as “Charismatic.” The first one I’d have to agree on. In the last installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling, we saw Sting put away Jeff “I’m getting to high for this” Hardy in like 30-seconds, so the ‘Closer’ title seems to fit. Now on the topic of charismatic, I’ll let the pink pants and tank-top that is three sizes too-small answer that question.

1:20-1:31 – Nothing better than hearing, “and now making his way to the ring, ROBOCOP!” Robocop takes like 10-seconds before you can even see him in the entrance area. Wanna know why? Cause Robocop doesn’t wait for you, you wait for Robocop.

1:31-1:43 – Arn and Ole Anderson, including Sid Vicious decide to lock up Sting in a cage. For what reason? I don’t know. Remember there is no match going on here. What they’re forgetting, is that Sting has some backup.

1:48 – 

Robo-backup. That is the face of a Robocop that, A. Doesn’t give a crap, and B. Will end anyone who gets in his way. Except Sting. Sting and ‘Robo’ go way back.

1:49-2:02 – ‘Robo’ takes his sweet-ass time getting to that cage. Why? Mainly due to point A in the paragraph above. Robocop does not fear humans, they are but little ants for him to crush under his Robo-boot heel.

2:03 – Robo making quick work of that cage. He, for no reason, bends the center bars before pulling the cage door off, almost eerily like their both made out of rubber. Ross says it’s pure steel so I have to believe him. How can you not believe this face?

2:05 –

Seriously though, did they have to go to the jail at “Toon Town” in Disneyland, in order to get such inferior worksmanship.

2:10 – ‘Robo’ breaks Sting out as Arn, Ole and Sid scamper off like bandits in the night, no match involving Sting and Robocop versus Arn Anderson and Sid Vicious, just good ol’ fashioned Product placement.

Before we bid you farewell for this insallment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling I would like to leave you with an image and a question.

Why wasn’t this “Robocop 2 or 3?” Seriously. A buddy-cop comedy featuring Sting and Robocop prowling the streets of future Detroit and fighting crime. That is like sweep the Oscar’s type material.



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