Saturday Afternoon Wrestling

In this week’s installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling, Dustin takes a look at a 2004 match between Brock Lesnar and Billy Gunn.

Hello and welcome to another exciting edition of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling here at HefferBrew, today I’ll be taking a look at a 2004 Smackdown match between Brock Lesnar and Billy Gunn.

0:00- 0:35- Here we have Billy Gunn’s entrance, complete with the song “Ass Man” to go with his then-persona of “Mr. Ass.” Unfortunately, his entire entrance is overshadowed by the curiosity in what Tazz and Michael Cole are talking about in reference to Eddie Guerrero apparently being arrested in the segment before this match. It’s like “What happened to Eddie…wait? Who’s that in the ring, oh, it’s Billy Gunn” which, unfortunately sums up Billy’s career quite nicely.

0:36- 1:18- That generic guitar riff can only mean one thing; here comes the pain! Nope, just Brock Lesnar in his first run with the WWE, before he tried to be a Minnesota Viking and after failing at that, becoming a UFC champion only to now be back with the WWE. Also, does anybody notice the incredible disparity in size and muscle between Lesnar and Gunn? I get the impression Billy was caught hitting on Stephanie McMahon backstage or something, nothing about Billy Gunn standing in that ring has me confident that this match will go anywhere near anything resembling his favor.

1:19-1:35- To distract from the fact that this match starts and they literally just dance around the ring, bonus points go to the fans for chanting Goldberg at Lesnar.

1:36-2:00- More nothing, but here Tazz and Cole point out that Lesnar’s match vs. Goldberg could be swayed by guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin. Really? Saying Stone Cold might be a wild-card is like suggesting Beyonce was maybe the best member of Destiny’s Child, they call it common sense for a reason, but hey, now the fans are chanting “You Tapped Out” at Brock, which seems to really anger him.

2:01-2:23- Yep, the chanting fans have gotten their point to Lesnar across and he takes all that frustration on Gunn. Looking like John Goodman at a Hometown Buffet in terms of dominance.

2:24-3:04- Whoa there, we got some signs of life from Billy Gunn, apparently pride exists even in Mr. Ass.

3:05-3:23- Lesnar’s size advantage puts an end to that little run there, file this under no brainer.

3:24-3:33- Nice arm bar from Gunn on Lesnar here, a good strategy in trying to bring Lesnar to the mat and keep him off his massive, angry feet. But Lesnar, being the beacon of WWE cunning, places his foot on the rope, which somehow means “break the hold.”

3:34-4:00- Gunn manages to maintain some offense against Lesnar. Brock seems to be trying his damnedest to sell that he really is reeling, but when you’re that much bigger than your opponent, is kind of impossible.

4:01-4:20- Just when it looks like Brock is going to regain momentum, Gunn counters and send Brock reeling into the ring post. Do I actually feel myself starting to believe in Billy Gunn in this match?

4:21-4:28- Gunn, the cagey veteran goes for the quick pin, but that proves to be unsuccessful.

4:29-4:43- You had a good thing going there Billy, why ruin it by taking that extra time to try and run across the ring? Lesnar seizes the opportunity to continue his beatdown.

4:44-5:00- The first movie I saw at a theater without my parents with me was “Twister,” with Bill Paxton, Helen Hunt and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Now you all know my reason for secretly really enjoying that movie. There’s nothing going on in the match right now, I just wanted this time to be filled with something even slightly more useful than another shot of Brock Lesnar stumbling around the ring pretending that Billy Gunn has inflicted damage to him that could potentially cost him this match.

5:01-5:20- A massive spinebuster followed by a quick pin by Lesnar nearly lands him the win, but Gunn manages to kick out. I don’t get how wrestlers continually think they can go for pins after moves that aren’t their finishers. They’re called finishers for a reason WWE, we’re not buying it.

5:21-5:55- Lot of things going on here, Lesnar continues the beating but the fans decide to start chanting Goldberg again. Then, out of nowhere, Gunn kicks Lesnar right in the head. Surprising flexibility from Mr. Ass there.

5:56-6:11- Tazz jinxes poor Billy Gunn by suggesting he could pull off the upset victory. Immediately after suggesting this, Gunn gets hit with a huge power slam.

6:12-6:22- Wait, what? Tazz just said Billy Gunn weighs 275 pounds. 1. How does Tazz know this? 2. There’s no way Mr. Ass weighs more than Brock Lesnar.

6:23-7:46- Lesnar gets Gunn in a chokehold on the mat and they stay like this for more than a full minute. Brock Lesnar: technical wrestling guru just doesn’t have a good ring to it and this is why.

7:47-8:06- Thank God. They’re back upright and fighting for the upper hand cause somehow getting choked out for over a minute by Brock Lesnar has no residual effects.

8:07-8:47- More killing time as Brock just looks tired and irritated like always.

8:48-9:13- Back down to the mat? Seriously? Now I remember why I hate Brock Lesnar; he’ll never be a technical wrestler, his nickname is “the Animal,” his slogan is “Here Comes the Pain” and his general demeanor suggests he’s more interested in kicking teeth out than making you tap out.

9:14-9:41- Once again they get back up and Gunn shows no signs of fatigue despite the choke applied by Brock to him. He even hits Lesnar with what looks suspiciously like an RKO before getting a near pinfall.

9:42-9:56- Again, here goes Tazz jinxing poor Mr. Ass




10:00- Pain

10:01-End- Lesnar gets the pin and the victory. In the end, Lesnar just proved too strong and kicked Mr. Ass’s ass, showing his physical dominance in one of his last matches in the WWE at the time.

Thanks for joining us for this week’s Saturday Afternoon Wrestling, be sure to come back to next Saturday and throughout the week for all things sports, entertainment and sports entertainment. Follow us on Twitter @HefferBrew and Like Us on Facebook.

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