It’s week two in the NFL and our supposed “experts” at HefferBrew want to give you their predictions for this Sunday’s games.
For week one, the teams that were supposed to win, won, and the only real upset on Sunday, the Redskins drubbing of the Saints, seemed only because the Saints had an interim, interim coach and they were completely unprepared. Basically the picks were easy to pick. This week. Not so much. there are at least 10 games this week that are complete toss ups. So with that being said, let us move on to the aforementioned picks.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS vs. BUFFALO BILLS
Dustin: Bills – I take back everything I said last week about the beefed up Bills defense. I felt like quite the fool as I watched the team I hate the most light up my team for over 40 points. But still, this week I can’t bring myself to choose against them, I hold on to the hope that the Chiefs are just inept enough for the Bills to squeak out a win. Ryan Fitzpatrick is awful, there’s no escaping that, he’ll likely throw 2-3 awful interceptions due to the Chiefs having a relatively talented secondary that includes shutdown corner Brandon Flowers. Bills RB Fred Jackson is out for the next three weeks so look for C.J. Spiller to have a big game, all the Bills can do is focus on the run and try to keep the ball out of Fitzy’s hands. Bills – 17, Chiefs – 10.
Cameron: Bills – I don’t at all think the Bills will cover on this one first of all. So if you’re a betting man take the Chiefs at +3. Now, in terms of football and not sports betting. The Bills looked just atrocious last Sunday. The Bills quarterback, Ryan Fitzpatrick, looked so bad that I heard that Dan Orlovsky called him after the game and said.
“Hey bro. Heard you had a really bad day? Don’t worry man, I went 0-16 with the 2008 Lions, then I was on that god-awful Colts team last year, and I’m doing fine. I mean, all you have to worry about is that creeping feeling from time to time of wanting to off yourself. But other then that, it’s all good.”
My sports life this year has been so shitty, and all I was looking forward to was a decent Bills season. Now I have to suffer through their shit defense and incompetent offense. I guess I have to wait till basketball starts in October for something to root for. GO Celtics. Bills – 31, Chiefs – 28. I hope. it’ll probably be more like Chiefs – 35, Bills – 14.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS vs. CAROLINA PANTHERS
Dustin: Saints – Much like the Packers last week, the Saints were shell-shocked by the Washington Redskins to open the season with a loss. Also like the Packers, I expect the Saints to bounce back this week against the Panthers. The Panthers suffered a tough loss last week and QB Cam Newton could never really get into a rhythm with his offense due to the Tampa Bay defense preventing him from creating plays with his feet. If the Saints can continue to limit Newton like that, then there’s a better chance they can shorten the field for their offense and get Drew Brees and co. in sync. Saints – 28, Panthers – 24.
Cameron: New Orleans Saints – Revenge of the Brees. The Saints were embarrassed last week at the hands of rookie Phenom Robert Griffin III. This week look for the Saints to seek revenge against last years rookie phenom Cam Newton. I say we see a resurgence of the Saints defense. Like, expect them to be flying around out there like they’re getting paid a little extra to kill the head so the body will die.
Is it just me who sees this or does someone else? After all that “Bountygate” stuff during the off-season it has become so hard not to picture the Saints defense as the Special Ops group that is sent on a search and rescue mission in “Predator”? Like, “If it runs for more than 100-yards, we can kill it.” Saints – 42, Panthers – 28.
CLEVELAND BROWNS vs. CINCINNATI BENGALS
Dustin: Bengals – Cleveland almost eked out a win against the Eagles last week despite the best efforts of their 28-year-old rookie QB Brandon Wheedon, who threw four interceptions including the one to cost them the game. On the flip side, Cincinnati got pummeled by an impressive-looking Baltimore Ravens team with a point to prove. The Bengals will need a few of their young wide-receivers to step up and help QB Andy Dalton and WR AJ Green for them to truly have a good chance to get back to the playoffs. And let’s face it, if you’re looking to get your team on track, a visit from the Browns could be exactly what you need. Bengals – 28, Browns – 7.
Cameron: BROWNS – I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m like four beers deep at home watching college football by myself right now, or the fact that I may have lost my mind in a fever dream about Brandon Weeden last night. But, all I’m saying is, the Browns have a legitimate chance to win this. If Brandon Weeden can keep the ball from the defense and maybe score a touchdown, and Trent Richardson grinds out a TD and some first downs I think the Browns could eek out a victory. They shut down Vick and the Eagles last week and forced four interceptions and dropped a fifth that could’ve sealed the game. Browns – 16, Bengals – 13.
MINNESOTA vs. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Dustin: Vikings – Adrian Peterson looked pretty healthy last week, running for two TDs in an OT victory against the Jaguars. He’s only going to get better as the season goes on. For the Colts, Andrew Luck got a pretty hard welcome into the league by the Chicago Bears who stifled the Colts and exposed a lack of a solid run game due to a shaky offensive line. Jared Allen and the Vikings defense will likely put the pressure on Luck throughout the afternoon and unless they decide to let Christian Ponder throw it 40 times, it should be a pretty easy victory on the legs of AP. Vikings – 21, Colts – 10.
Cameron: Vikings – It is very plausible that the Vikings could sneak their way into the playoffs this year at the Wild Card spot. It is also very plausible that pigs could fly. Either way, the Colts suck and poor Andrew Luck is about to get a fair dose of ass-whooping from Jared Allen. Viking – 24, Colts – 13.
HOUSTON TEXANS vs. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
Dustin: Texans – Houston looked pretty impressive as they destroyed likely the worst team in the league, the Dolphins. This week, that D gets to go up against Blaine Gabbert who, while he looked good and poised last week, still has a long way to go before he can put last season’s embarrassment behind him. Meanwhile, the Texans offense looks to be back to the rhythm they were in last season before Matt Schaub went down with an injury. Arian Foster is still running like he’s looking to maim anyone in his path, Andre Johnson looks healthy again and Schaub looks fully recovered and ready to take Houston a step further. Texans – 35, Jaguars – 14.
Cameron: Texans – Essentially the same
crap stuff that Dustin said above. I personally feel that A.) this is gonna be a blowout, and B.) This will also be one of the most boring and most uninteresting games all day. Texans – 38, Jaguars 7. Seriously though, I’d much rather watch this next game for the next five days, every day, then have to suffer through a Jags game.
OAKLAND RAIDERS vs. MIAMI DOLPHINS
Dustin: Raiders – This will be a Raiders defensive showcase. They didn’t get the INT’s against the Chargers but they still looked impressive stopping that offense in the red zone time and time again. Dolphins QB Ryan Tannehill looked like an interception machine to rival Oakland’s Carson Palmer so I expect the offenses to cancel each other out, but Oakland’s D is far tougher than expected. Raiders – 28, Dolphins – 10.
Cameron: Raiders – The Raiders looked semi-decent on defense last Monday night, but looked like someone shit in their cereal on offense. With that said, the Dolphins looked like a pee-wee football team last week. Also, I may or may not have a bet riding on Ryan Tannehill being the first quarterback to be benched this week due to non-injury related matters. Raiders – 30, Dolphins – 9.
ARIZONA CARDINALS vs. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Dustin: Patriots – I am going to say now, with that beefed up looking Patriots D, I think Kevin Kolb (playing for an injured John “Kangaroo Face” Skelton) throws a pick within his first 10 throws. This will be the ugly game of the week. Patriots – 42, Cardinals – 10.
Cameron: Patriots – Dustin pretty much said what needed to be said. No one questions the Patriots offense, but the question was their defense. Now with Don’ta Hightower at linebacker and what appears to be a little more amped up of a pass rush, the Patriots look to be in peak form. Thus why I’m saying Patriots – 42, Cardinals – 14. Kolb will have like one touchdown, Petersen will have a kick return, possibly, but that’s it. Look out for a Brandon Lloyd coming out party too, fantasy players I’m looking at you.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS vs. NEW YORK GIANTS
Dustin: Giants – The life and woes of a fantasy football player; I have Tampa RB Doug Martin on my team, but I also have the Giants, giving me the interesting chance to cheer for a RB to go for 200 yards but no TDs, I don’t think this will happen but I do think the Giants will end up responding to their week one no-show against the Cowboys. Giants – 24, Bucs – 14.
Cameron: Giants – Super Bowl Champions usually don’t get their dicks handed to them in the first game of the year like the Giants did against the Cowboys. Bounce-back game for Eli and the Giants defense in this one. Giants – 22 (I’m saying there’s a safety) Bucs – 17.
BALTIMORE RAVENS vs. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Dustin: Ravens – The Eagles looked awful last week, Vick had four INT’s against a less-than-admirable Cleveland Browns secondary and the Ravens completed the aforementioned beatdown of Cincy on both sides of the ball. The Ravens will continue to look impressive running the no-huddle offense and Philly will officially hit the panic button. Ravens – 35, Eagles – 13.
Cameron: Ravens – A.) Vick threw four interceptions to the Browns last week. THE BROWNS. B.) Flacco and Torrey Smith look primed to go off for a huge game (my fantasy hopes shining through on that one). C.) This dude is on their team.
DALLAS COWBOYS vs. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
Dustin: Seahawks – All I’ll say is Seattle should’ve kept Terrell Owens over Braylon “Drop the Winning TD in the Endzone” Edwards. The Cowboys have made a career out of losing the games they’re supposed to win handily and until they stop doing that, I’d rather take my chances with a Seahawks team overachieving then a Cowboys team that feels entitled. Seahawks – 24, Cowboys – 21.
Cameorn: Cowboys – I really wanted to pick the Seahawks with this one. I couldn’t though. Yes, the ‘Hawks’ are at home. Yes, when they play at home they are one of the toughest teams in the league. Yes, at some point Romo is going to have to regress back to the mean, and yes, the ‘Hawks’ have a great running game, and possibly a great passing game depending on if Russell Wilson steps his game up, or they put the boy-wonder Matt Flynn in. Either way, I see the ‘Boys’ pulling this one out. Cowboys – 17, Seahawks – 14.
WASHINGTON REDSKINS vs. ST. LOUIS RAMS
Dustin: Redskins – RG3, can he do it again against a Rams team that gave the Lions a fit last week and picked off Matthew Stafford 3 times? I think so. Redskins – 35, Rams – 13. #Griffining
Cameron: Redskins – R. G. III. I mean this when I say this. Robert Griffin very well could be the future of the quarterback position. He has the movement in the pocket like Randall Cunningham and the deep ball of Tom Brady. RGIII. Know about it. Skins – 38, Rams – 21.
NEW YORK JETS vs. PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Dustin: Steelers – The Steelers may be without James Harrison and Troy Polamalu. The Jets will definitely be without Darrelle Revis. I hate the Jets. Steelers – 42, Jets – 21.
Cameron: Steelers – Honestly, I’m just trying to jinx the Steelers. I totally have money on the Jets and I feel if I pick the Steelers this will aide the cause of the Jets possibly winning. If not, then I’ve just reversed jinxed the jinx. So. Shit. There isn’t an emoticon for the face I have right now as I realize I probably made a poor bet. Steelers – 27, Jets – 13.
TENNESSEE TITANS vs. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
Dustin: Chargers – The Patriots flat out-played the Titans last week and potentially banged-up QB Jake Locker. The Chargers were able to put pressure all over the Raiders and stunt their offense and that was with serviceable receivers and Carson “Oops” Palmer throwing it all over the place. The Titans will make this closer than expected regardless of who’s under center for them with the Chargers banged up secondary but the Chargers offense just has too much potential with all the weapons. Chargers – 28, Titans – 17.
Chargers: Chargers – The Titans will possibly be without Nate Washington, Jake Locker’s favorite target. They have a running back who appears to not be able to run anymore (look for Chris Johnson to be in this weeks “Craptastic NFL Player Rankings”). Phillip Rivers will expose any secondary inefficiencies that the Titans may have, and afterwards people will probably think Norv Turner has figured out the ability to win in September. But I can assure you he hasn’t figured out the way to win a Super Bowl. Chargers – 30, Titans – 20.
DETROIT LIONS vs. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Dustin: 49ers – As my jump off of the Bills ship looms, I’ve been positioning myself to the Lions. That said, the 49ers looked damn good last week and it took the Lions a last-minute drive to beat the Rams, this game won’t be the blow out many are predicting but it’ll be pretty hard for the Lions to overcome that terrifying 49ers pass rush, secondary and all-around defense. 49ers – 28, Lions – 21.
Cameron: 49ers – The Niners dominate. Like that kid in fourth grade that somehow grew to 5’7″ over the summer and now feels entitled to taking your cookie at lunch. The Niners to me are the Daniel Plainview of the NFL. Last year they tried to acquire the Bandie land (Super Bowl), they were shot down by a young priest and the religious family who owns the land (the Giants and the NFL) to not give the land to Plainview. They thought they were a step ahead of Plainview, and foolishly they thought the only way for him to get the oil from the land was through them. Now the Niners (Plainview) are sucking up all the oil from around the land, essentially drinking everyone’s milkshake in the NFL. Niners – 33, Lions – 13. Oh, and Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Schwartz will be fine. We will not see a repeat of “shake-gate”.
DENVER BRONCOS vs. ATLANTA FALCONS
Dustin: Falcons – The Monday Night Football game could most likely end up being the game of the week. Last week, the Falcons looked every bit as good as advertised and Peyton Manning defied all expectations to return from 4 neck-surgeries to beat the Steelers with the Broncos. It still remains to be seen if both of these teams can continue to play as well as they did, but the odds are in the Falcons favor with the young talent they have. Falcons – 35, Broncos – 31.
Cameron: Broncos – I see what you’re trying to do Dustin. I know you love Peyton and you think that if you pick the Falcons that you’ll somehow reverse jinx the Broncos and all will be dandy. Well that’s why I took the Broncos. With this pick I’m actually saying the Falcons. But just to screw with the other guy in these picks I’m going with the Broncos. Broncos – 55, Falcons – 7. In all actuality, I’m really saying Falcons – 35, Broncos – 27.
Cameron and Dustin are the creators of HefferBrew. We would love to hear what you think of the picks either in the comments section or on Twitter at @hefferbrew. Thanks for reading and remember. The Niners will drink your milkshake, they’ll drink it right up.