The “experts” at HefferBrew give you their picks for Week 5 of the NFL.
Week 5 of the NFL Season is upon us, last week saw quite a few surprises and upset as the first quarter of the season is now in the books. A renewed rivalry between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning highlights one of the many storylines heading into this week. Will the Saints stay winless, will this be the week of Tebow(!) how bad will the Bills lose, how sad will Cameron and Dustin be? Read and find out ladies and gents.
CINCINATTI BENGALS VS MIAMI DOLPHINS
Dustin: Bengals- Ryan Tannheill and the Dolphins are one of the most inconsistent teams in the league, they beatdown the Raiders and pushed the Cardinals to the brink last weekend, but lest we forget, they can also get blown out with the best of them. The Bengals are a team that can score quicker than the Fonz at Arnold’s but a suspect defense has kept them out of the stratosphere but that doesn’t stop this weekend from being exciting for Bengals fans, I mean, it’s the Dolphins. Bengals – 35, Dolphins – 17.
Cameron: Bengals – Is Ryan Tannehill still the Dolphins quarterback? Oh he is. Well there you guys, that should be reason enough for anyone. Bengals – 17, Miami – 9.
GREEN BAY PACKERS VS INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Dustin: Packers- This season has been full of slow starts and surprises, one of the biggest has been the Packers’ struggle to get in sync and return to the freakish levels of offense supremacy they were at before, there’s no way the Colts and Andrew Luck will be able to match point for point with the Packers though Luck has shown he will be as good as advertised for years to come. Grab a notebook Andrew, Aaron Rodgers is looking to show you a thing or two. Packers – 31, Colts, 21.
Cameron: Packers – It would be cute to think that Green Bay’s lackluster defense would get trounced by Andrew Luck and company. But it would also be nice if I shit gold. Packer – 38, Colts – 22.
BALTIMORE RAVENS VS KANSAS CITY CHIEFS
Dustin: Ravens- Matt Cassel is an interception machine, the Ravens D is an unstoppable force of terror. Even if Joe Flacco decides to have an awful game against an awful team for no real reason other than screwing me this week in fantasy football, the Ravens D will win them this game. Ravens- 28, Chiefs – 10.
Cameron: Ravens – Between Baltimore and Kansas City who do you think would win? Exactly, the team that is most like the second to third best team in the AFC. Ravens – 27, Chiefs – 17.
NEW YORK GIANTS VS CLEVELAND BROWNS
Dustin: Giants- Don’t think of this as a lock, the Giants could easily drop this game because that’s what they do in big games/home games that aren’t in the playoffs. They should win by 14 but I don’t think it’ll be that easy. Giants – 17, Browns – 14.
Cameron: Giants – I’ve said before and I’ll say it again. Brandon Weeden is still the quarterback of the Browns, correct? Well then. Giants – 28, Browns – 13.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES VS PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Dustin: Steelers- James Harrison and Troy Polamalu will be returning to the Steelers D and so far the Steelers have looked sluggish and old at times. Coming out of a bye week though, this is the chance for Pittsburgh to show that they aren’t over the hill yet, it’s also a chance for the Eagles to show that they’re for real, which one sounds more likely? Thought so. Steelers – 24, Eagles – 23.
Cameron: Eagles – It’s really a wash with these two teams. Something inside me though says that Philly will win the battle of Pennsylvania. Look for Michael Vick to finally pick his balls off the ground and do something. Eagles – 17, Steelers – 13.
ATLANTA FALCONS VS WASHINGTON REDSKINS
Dustin: Falcons- This is going to be the football equivalent of playing “Call of Duty;” quick-scoring and at times you won’t have any idea what’s going on. The Falcons look to be for real and after a near-loss last week, should be looking to make a statement while the Redskins are still trying to prove their legitimacy. Falcons – 42, Redskins – 38.
Cameron: Falcons – Matt Ryan versus RGIII. Who will prevail? Who will stand atop the heap of defensive bodies left in the wake of this passing onslaught that will occur? ‘Matty Ice’ shall stand atop that heap with the crushed hopes and dreams of Redskins fans everywhere. Falcons – 42, Redskins – 27.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS CAROLINA PANTHERS
Dustin: Panthers- Like I said last week, the name of the game is “pick against the Seahawks until they win outright.” Panthers – 21, Seahawks – 17.
Cameron: Carolina – Two crap teams going head to head. Only one crap team can prevail. I’m just going with the team that has the least incompetent quarterback right now. Mr. Cam Newton it looks like you’ve won my vote, but only by a nose. Panthers – 28, Seahawks – 10.
CHICAGO BEARS VS JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS
Dustin: Bears– If Falcons/Redskins is a videogame shootout, this is going to be like watching someone get completely trashed at a part and make a fool of themselves in terms of embarrassment the next day. Bears – 48, Jags – 10.
Cameron: Bears – After picking against them in the Monday night game I feel it’s only appropriate that I get back to picking the Bears completely based on the old SNL clips. I watched like five this morning and it got me all sorts of pumped for this possible ass-whooping . Bears – 33, Jaguars – 6.
TENNESSEE TITANS VS MINNESOTA VIKINGS
Dustin: Vikings- Chris Johnson finally woke up last weekend! And it was against the best D in the league (Houston)! Still, I don’t really think he’ll repeat that or that Matt Hasselback (playing for the injured Jake Locker) will throw more touchdowns than interceptions. Vikings – 23, Titans 10. Chris Johnson Rushing Yards- 46.
Cameron: Vikings – The Titans have one of the worst ground games in the NFL and they’re going against a top-tier run-defense. They also will be starting Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback. Need I say more? Vikings – 22, Titans – 14.
DENVER BRONCOS VS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Dustin: Broncos- Yet another showdown in the epic Brady/Manning rivalry, early on Brady dominated and proved to be the bane of Peyton’s existence. Then, Manning flipped the script, got his ring and had to throw in the towel to get four neck surgeries, I think he can continue his streak of success. Broncos – 24, Patriots – 21.
Cameron: Patriots – The Broncos had their asses handed to them in the two games they played against formidable opponents in the Texans and the Falcons. The Patriots have a semi-decent defense to stop the run. It’s through the air that they see most of their faults come to fruition. Bill Belichik is still their coach and I’m sure he has a decent game-plan to stop the old noodle arm know as Peyton Manning. Patriots – 27, Broncos – 24.
BUFFALO BILLS VS SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
Dustin: 49ers- Don’t make me write about this one, please? It’s going to be awful and hopefully not televised, I’d much rather just see this in the game-break updates. 49ers – 100, Bills – 4.
Cameron: Niners – I’m a Bills fan and I don’t really want to talk about this game. All I expect is ten-fold what the Niners did to the Jets. Niners – 42, Bills – 0 (IF only there were negative points.)
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS VS NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Dustin: Saints- Sean Peyton will be somewhere in the building to see Brees break the record for consecutive games with a TD pass. Time to see if Peyton is some sort of deity. Saints – 35, Chargers – 27.
Cameron: Saints – Sunday Night, prime time game, Drew Brees, and a neutered Saints team at home. No way they go 0-5. If they do, then expect to see a lot of crying on the field. Like a lot. I don’t know if you’re a fan of grown men crying but I know I’m not. Saints – 37, Chargers – 21.
HOUSTON TEXANS VS NEW YORK JETS
Dustin: Texans- Oh my god, it’s in New York, more importantly than how bad will the Texans beat the Jets is how fast before ESPN cuts to Fireman Ed leading the crowd in a Tebow chant? Texans – 49, Jets – 17. Tebow-Watch: Two series in the first half, entire second half.
Cameron: Texans – Did you by chance see what the Niners did to the Jets? Oh you did? Well, then what the hell makes you think that the Jets have a chance in this game. It’ll be interesting when Tebow comes into the game in the second half. Texans – 24, Jets – 3.