Craptastic NFL Player Power Rankings: This is Getting Old Mark – By Cameron Heffernan

It’s that time again football fans, your weekly flavor of crpatasticness.


Week 10 is behind us, but the stench that was left behind from a few of the games is not. The usually dominant Niners played to a tie, there were over five players rocked with concussions and there was a flurry of backups that came in with the chance to save the day but fell short. This weekly column though isn’t about what happened this week in the NFL but more about the craptasticness of the crappiest the NFL has to offer. This weeks number one is a person who is used to being at the top of the mountain of awfulness. You can probably guess it but if not here it is.

1. Mark Sanchez – I don’t need to go over anything really, Sanchez went 9 of 22 for 124 yards and a pick, he was sacked three times for a total loss of 31 yards and a QBR Rating of 6.2. It should be known that Sanchito once garnered the nickname of “Sanchize”. This was because he was viewed as the franchise quarterback of the Jets, the savior, the second coming of Joe Namath, the last quarterback to win a Super Bowl for Gang Green. Sanchez is not this savior, he is nobodies savior for that matter. There are really no jokes to be made here either. This weekly song and dance has become pathetic and I personally can’t wait till Sanchez is out of the NFL and Rex Ryan is coaching defense somewhere like Buffalo or something. I am however thankful that the jets are terrible, only because it makes up for how awful the Bills are.

2. Ryan Tannehill – We all know it was too good to be true, three successful rookie quarterbacks leading their teams to possible playoff berths. RG3 was eliminated a while ago, Luck still has a damn fine chance and with a win over the Patriots this coming weekend could solidify a campaign for rookie of the year. The third rookie, Mr. Tannehill, was looking good up until a week ago. This week Tannehill threw for 217 yards and three interceptions, one of them a pick-six. Now, each INT went for a pretty hefty chunk of yardage, as a matter of fact, in total the three INTs went for 98 total yards. Now, subtracting that 98 yards from the original 217 means he actually passed for 119 yards and three interceptions.

This is something I personally believe we should start applying to all quarterback stats. A reduction of yards for interceptions. If you throw 50 yards worth of interceptions you should be deducted those 50 yards. A running back has yards reduced when they’re stopped in the backfield; why not when some craptastic QB throws a horrible pick in the endzone that gets run back for 100 yards then why aren’t we deducting that 100 yards? can anyone please answer this.

3. Jay Cutler – I understand that he was knocked out of the game with a concussion prior to the first half ending. I understand that he was going against the next best defense as compared to his; but I also understand that Jay Cutler is an awful quarterback and both interceptions that Cutler threw were just atrocious. Both him and Matt Schaub were fairly awful but Cutler took the cake. Where as Schaub was able to find the endzone with a touchdown; Cutler was not. Cutler seemed, at times, allergic to being able to pass it to his own team. He forced the ball the whole entire game against a pass defense that’s ranked in the top five. The Bears threw the ball 33 times as compared to there 23 attempts rushing (Forte had 16). Arian Foster alone had 29 rushes and that’s why the Texans won. Both teams had the chance at victory but early awful decisions by the Bears quarterback are what cost them that game.

4. Eli Manning – Last week looked like an anomaly, 10 of 24, 124 yards and a pick. This week, although he did double up on the yards with 215, he did decide to double up on the INTs. Eli has looked awful for two straight games now but don’t worry Big Blue fans, he’ll probably pick his shit up for a solid 10-6 or 9-7 finish, good enough for the division crown. Because who are we kidding, no one else in that division has even the slightest chance of winning it. Maybe Dallas but Jason Garrett is still their coach so that’s like expecting your team to play defense with Mike D’Antoni as your head coach (Suck it Lakers Fans).

5. Phillip Rivers – Looking at his stat line, you see 337 yards and three touchdowns. What so craptastic about that you ask? With about 13 minutes remaining in the fourth quarter the Chargers were driving and only down 24-21. P. Rivs rolled out to the left after his line collapsed on him. With no one to pass to he threw the ball away and lived to see another down. Nope, not what happened. What really happened was he threw the ball right to Leonard Johnson for an 83-yard interception returned for a touchdown. There were literally no Chargers near where he threw the ball and I wish I could add a video but the NFL won’t let me. Either way go to and look up the highlights of this game and just watch the pure craptasticness of P. Rivs.

Honorable Mentions: Monday Night Football and Sunday Night Football (both of those games were un-watchable), Reggie Bush, Matthew Stafford, Nick Foles, Michael Turner, Mike Smith and his goal line play calling, That poor ref who tripped over his feet in the Seahawks game, Blaine Gabbert, and as always Ryan Fitzpatrick. 

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