The Great Britney Debate – By Cameron Heffernan and J

Late on a Thursday night my friend and I got into an exchange over the relevancy of Britney Spears. This all stemmed from the news that the Mars Volta, still beloved by him, and once beloved by me, had broken up.


First, our initial conversation, and for his privacy, my friend will be referred to as J.

Me:  I Guess the Mars Volta Broke up

J: Wow Fuck

Me: Yeah Cedric aanounced it on twitter its also an article on grantland

J: Im really depressed now

Me: Im sorry

J: Fucking omar

Me: But Bosnian rainbows

J: Again fucking omar

Then, J expressed his disappointment on Facebook, this spawned an argument amongst friends on the merits of the Mars Volta and if they were really even relevant anymore. His girlfriend jokingly poked at her elation over his disappointment and how much Volta sucked. He responded “you can’t take her opinion seriously on music…Her favorite artist of all-time is Britney Spears. I responded with a trollish comment, he said “Oh Jesus, I will not feed the Troll. DON’T FEED THE TROLL.” This was in response to my comments of course, this then led to the following text exchange.

Me: Lol, don’t feed the troll. I have a theory that Britney overachieved beyond any measure. She went from trailer trash to MM club dancer to a goddamn star. Who has really kept herself relevant? Don’t discredit something like that. It’s like Honey Boo Boo becoming a doctor.

J: Lol, she only stayed relevant because she was super hot and therefore tabloids cared about her

Me: No way, she’s a goddamn mess now.

J: Kina like lindsay lohan?

Me: Looks wise. Dude, she has killed it music wise the last two years and looks like a rundown old milf.

J: Key word, WAS.

J: You have got to be kidding me man, I can’t take anything you say seriously anymore. I’m sorry, you’ve crossed the line, and she hasn’t been musically relevant since 2000.

Me: I’m not saying I liked it. I’m just saying she was all over the radio last year, and still this year. Plus the years before, she’s never fell off as a chart success and where’s Christina? Where’s Simpson? Where are those bitches from back then? Nowhere. Spears rules those bitches like a smooth pimp.

Me: You have no idea what you’re talking about. I listen to the radio all the time because of Megan (My girlfriend). For the last two years Spears has been pretty damn relevant.

J: Just because it’s on the radio doesn’t mean shit.

Me: It does in terms of success. That’s like saying championships don’t matter. Boom, I just won.

J: That’s bogus man, she gets radio time just because of who she is. Paris Hilton’s single was all over the radio and I wouldn’t have called her music relevant.

Me: No way, If that were the case, then everyone would stay relevant no matter who they were.

J: Can you even name any of her songs since 2000?

Me: (referring to the Hilton comment) That’s one single. Spears is a whole goddamn catalog of No. 1s.

J: Pre 2000, No way any of her newer shit has even sniffed No. 1

Me: Till The World Ends, Scream and Shout with Will I Am, I Wanna Go, Womanizer, shit Toxic was 2003. Boom! Look, all I’m saying is, you’re going after the wrong pop singer on this one.

J: Okay, I was off by three years. Till The World Ends and the Will I Am one are both jokes.

Me: Brit is like Peyton Manning, We all thought he was done, the neck shit, he’s old all that crap. Then, bam. One of his best seasons ever.

J: Washed up has been trying to be relevant and getting airtime due to reputation alone. Rhianna, Ke$ha, Katy Perry, Adele. THOSE are the relevant acts of today.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re just making general assumptions now. All anyone does in music is get airtime off of reputation, that’s what being famous is, having a bigger or grander reputation than someone else. And, I’m saying that Brittney still kicks it with those bitches.

J: Where the fuck are Britney’s other songs from those albums? YOU HAVENT HEARD THEM cause all you hear is the obligatory single. BOOM.

Me: And the Widow was what again? Oh yeah, the single that catapulted Mars into anyone knowing who they were and it was on the radios and MTV. (In reference to the idea of the obligatory single and its importance in the music world).

J: All those other artists I just mentioned have like 3-5 singles on the radio from the same album – cause they are relevant.

Me: The two (Till The World Ends and I Wanna Go), were from last year and the one with Will I Am is from this year. Boom. It’s Britney Bitch.

J: I can Google too.

Me: I’m not googling motherfucker. Boom

J: Lol – Please shut up. Till The World Ends is a terrible song that tried to ride the rising party music wave while the Will I Am thing barely even counts as a song.  She says the same three words throughout the entire thing and I’m pretty sure its auto-tune.

Me: But they’re still hit singles. If she’s irrelevant they wouldn’t be.

J: My Paris Hilton comment covered that – if it was a hit single too but it didn’t make her relevant musically.

Me: Yup, it was a hit single, So what? People still know that name and associate it with music. Meanwhile, (in Brittney’s case) all her other competition from back in the day are doing weight watcher commercials.

J: Christina is a judge on The Voice and Justin Timberlake rules the world. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: Oh The Voice is a crock of shit and Brit did it better on American Idol. Also, JT’s new album will flop, trust. That new single, Suit and Tie is awful, even Jigga (Jay-Z, Hova) can’t save it.

Closing arguements:

J:  I just think we were arguing different things. you were commending Britney for staying relevant, and if being relevant means putting out shitty music that gets airtime by default due to who you are – then yes, she is relevant. but she shouldn’t be commended for it.

Me: Fair, and I think the same thing can be said for most bands, singers, pop stars, whatever. But ahead of them, is someone who really had no talent and started at the bottom of the food chain. Someone, who over time became more comparable to a rundown house mom, as opposed to a sex symbol/pop star, Britney has traversed all that crap and came out on top. Yes, her music isn’t the best. But then again, what band really has made “relevant” and decent music since their prime. Music is an ever evolving landscape that sometimes pumps out really good music (Adele, things like that) and total crap (Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Rhianna, etc.), but Brittney has taken the punches and kept herself afloat, something those other stars may not be doing in 10 years like Britney is. Because, it’s Brittney Bitch.

Either way, that was the great Britney debate, who really knows who is right. I think we’ll let you decide. Comment on this and let us know, Has Brittney Spears really stayed relevant after all these years?

One response to “The Great Britney Debate – By Cameron Heffernan and J”

  1. I have to agree with Cameron. There is a coworker at my work who has pictures of Britney up on her walls at work. She goes to her concerts and is probably her favorite artist. Whether or not she’s good, she’s still making headlines.

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