Fantasy FAIL-Ball Power Rankings – Week 2 – By Gavin Muirhead

In this weeks edition of “Who Sucks The Best?” we bring to you the top 18 FAIL-Ball scorers of week 2, and a few are sure fire bets to Bench in your standard league.


Last week, we showed you how FAIL-Ball works, and the scoring system (based on ESPN Fantasy Leagues) Click Here for a better understanding on Failball. 

And now, HefferBrew proudly brings you the Best of the Worst in Week 2 of the NFL.


  1. Colin Kaepernick – 75.1 points. – Bro, do you even football? Colin showed what more rational thinkers have been saying, he hasn’t played a full season yet, and the 49er’s are not as invincible as they are made out to be.
  2. Geno Smith – 55.1 points – No surprise here, Geno is a rookie and has little help. To top it off he played this week in the rain, the equivalent to being kicked while you’re down.
  3. Terrelle Pryor – 42 points – It hurts me to type these words, but Pryor really screwed me in regular Fantasy Football. He played the Jaguars – the proud owners of the first overall draft selection of 2014, after their harrowing loss to the Raiders – and couldn’t find the end zone. Fail.
  4. On the outside looking in, Eli Manning – 36 points – Although, his point total didn’t meet up to these other heirs to the shit throne. Eli couldn’t help but throw the ball to the other team, yet again, amassing four interceptions. Putting his total on the year at seven. It’s only week two ladies and gentlemen. We could be looking at 50 total INTs for baby-Manning. Oh, it’s also too bad there’s no way to give points for being the butt-end of a sibling rivalry. Baby-Manning may have two Super Bowls – against the best possible competition in an undefeated Patriots team and a might-as-well-been-undefeated-Pats team in 2011. Peyton on the other hand,  beat an offensively impotent Bears team, and then lost to a head-hunting Saints team in his Super Bowls. Eli may have the Rings, but Peyton has always had the power, and the general better acumen for throwing a football.


  1. Doug Martin – 48.2 points – Sure, he had 144 yards of rushing and no fumbles. However it took him 29 carries to pull that off and not score a touchdown.
  2. Darren McFadden – 43.71 – The Raiders seem to be Fail Kings this year, and DMC is no different. Failing to find the end zone and fumbling – Key to scoring well in Fail Ball.
  3. Adrian Petersen – 41 points – What can I say, 26 rushes for 100 yards (2.6 YPC) , 2 targets with 1 drop, and a fumble – AP seems to put points up no matter the circumstances.


  1. Greg Little – 38 points – Cleveland has some talent, anyone who says otherwise is blind, but they are also a fail factory, pumping out solid numbers over the last 2 weeks. This week, Greg Little tops the Wide Reciver section with a stunning performance, 4 catches – 33 yards – on 12  targets. Ouch.
  2. Ruben Randle – 31 points – Of note here, Eli Manning is starting with his foot in a ditch and really helped Ruben fail exceptionally this week – 3 catches, 19 yards, 9 targets.
  3. Julian Edelman – 28.2 points – Everyone wanted this guy on waivers this week in every format but FailBall, and now look? 13 catches, 78 yards on 18 targets – Perfect for a Fail Starter.


  1. Jason Witten – 26 points – Never count on a Cowboy. Unless you get points for failing, 3 catches for 12 yards on 8 targets puts him in the #1 spot for Tight End Failures this week.
  2. Jared Cook – 24 points – 1 catch. 10 Yards. 6 Targets. before you throw Sam Bradford under the bus, he threw for over 350 yards with 3 TD’s this week, Jared Cook just couldn’t catch anything this week and was his own downfall.
  3. Tony Gonzales – 18 points – 4 catches, 33 yards, 8 targets. His walker was seen on the sidelines.


  1. Washington Redskins – 39 points – Ouch. Aaron Rogers had his way with the Redskins defense all afternoon, making them the hottest defense on the FailBall waiver wire this week.
  2. The Eagles – 27 Points – I bet Chip Kelly never expected the Chargers so show up to work today.
  3. San Diego Chargers – 24 points – Hey, just because they won doesn’t mean Michael Vick didn’t womp all over them.


  1. Randy Bullok (Texans) 19 points
  2. David Akers (Lions) 18.5 points
  3. Sebastian Janikowski (Raiders) 14.5 points.

The key to a high scoring kicker is missing easy kicks. SeaBass had a “Laces Out DAN” issue with his holder that put him in the #3 spot. Punters are also included in the kicking area, but the highest scoring Punter this week was Ryan Allen (Patriots)  with 13 points – so he didn’t fail enough to make the cut.

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